Skip to main content

Dealing with failure

Failure is a part of life, and we make mistakes pretty much every day. Failure is also a setback, an emotional let down, a breakup, a loss, but part of the reason why the experience is so incredibly painful is because at some level you feel you failed. You might be reluctant to admit this even to yourself, so you outwardly you label it as growing pains or
transition ; however, inwardly you're a mess.
Feeling the pain
Even though they’re unpleasant, we feel negative emotions for a reason:
They likely played an important role in human evolution and survival.
Negative emotions tell us to pay attention, signaling that something’s wrong – with our body, with our environment, with our relationships.
So if you avoid negative emotions, you also might be avoiding the thing that needs your attention.
Here are  ways to cope with failure:
 Examine the truth. This burns and isn't fun; yet, healing and recovery generally start when the truth is exposed. Lies keep you in the dark and however you try to spin your situation the bottom line is that the truth matters. Too often people attempt to dilute the situation with fancy words or a cute story, but this only delays the pain. And delaying the pain can cause more conflict.
 Become transparent with yourself. Transparency is necessary. When mistake occur, there is emphasis on forgiving others, including yourself. However, you can't forgive yourself for that which you are not transparent with. And you can't fully forgive yourself as long as you minimize the error. This doesn't mean that you are overly critical of yourself, but it means being honest. Instead of telling yourself that your business is closing because one manager made poor decisions, be truthful and examine your role in this situation. Ask yourself: Did you look the other way when there was business conflict? Were you overly harsh in meetings so that it made communication difficult?
These same questions can be used when a relationship is torn. I'm not referring to any type of abusive relationship, rather, a relationship where conflict occurred and healing didn't take root.
Part of making sure that you don't find yourself in this type of situation again is being able to do an accurate assessment. As long as you hold back and rationalize, justify or minimize your shortcomings, a barrier to the truth still exists. And that barrier is you.
Give yourself permission to feel the pain. After a failure occurs, the immediate mode for many is moving onward because very few desire to be present with pain. This is why when pain exists people often use a substance to dilute the intensity of the hurt. Some people use work to avoid the pain. However, learning to be present with the pain is critical in healing. This is not a sign of weakness.
When you immediately cover the pain you don't know and remember what your emotional baseline is so when healing does begin to occur you can't recognize it. Failure hurts but healing is possible.
Sometimes after a romantic relationship ends the one who feels dumped quickly finds another person to date. Weeks later they are dating the same personality only with a different name. Why does this happen? Instead of being still with their pain and fully healing, they use another relationship as a distraction. Then they find out that this is a repeat experience of the previous broken relationship.
In many articles and books that address emotional pain, there is an emphasis on finding meaning and purpose in your pain. Finding a greater meaning can't occur if you aren't able to rest in the pain.
Commit to being open to the bigger lessons. This is when being willing to be a student of life is so important. When you think you are certain of everything and that life has nothing to teach you, then you will repeat your mistakes. Learning a new way to see situations can be the very key to your next success.
Learning is a humbling experience. You become aware of all that you didn't know. When you see the deficits in your knowledge base, use this as an opportunity to grow and change.
Not all mistakes are the same
It appears that focusing on the emotions of failure can trigger different thoughts and behaviors. Perhaps when you reflect on how bad you feel after failing, it motivates you to avoid experiencing that feeling again.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Frequent masturbation

Frequent masturbation in young men is linked to higher risk of early prostate cancer , but it lowers prostate cancer risk for men in their 50s, a study shows. High levels of male sex hormones, or androgens, may increase a man's risk of prostate cancer . But different studies of this question, done in different ways, have reached different conclusions. To look at the question in a new way, a team of researchers  looked at whether men with more intense sex drives were at higher risk of prostate cancer.  About half the men got prostate cancer by age 60, and about half did not have cancer . The findings were surprising. Sexual intercourse did not affect prostate cancer risk. But frequent masturbation did -- in different ways, at different times of life. "Frequent masturbation during men's 20s and 30s increased their risk of prostate cancer. For men in their 20s, "frequent masturbation" was two to seven times per week. Compared to same-age men who reported mas...
Post a Comment
Read more
Two flats in a one storey building at Nweke Nwobuchi Street, Umudioka village Awka, behind National secondary school was gutted by fire. The fire which alleged to be caused by a licked gas from a gas cooker, affected the top two flats destroying properties worth millions of naira. Speaking to newsmen at the scene, the owner of the building, Barrister Nnamdi Anagor, said that they were trying to fix the licking gas cylinder before the fire engulfed the building as they have earlier perceived the odour, and called on government and well to do citizens to come to their aid as they have lost their properties worth millions of naira. Barrister Anagor, disclosed that no life was lost to the incident but that one person sustained some injuries and has been hospitalized. Also speaking, a friend to the owner of the building, Mr. Maxwell Udechukwu, who alerted the Fire Service Agency through emergency number, thanked Governor Willie Maduabuchi Obiano for equipping the state's fire service...
Post a Comment
Read more

HERNIA

Hernia occurs in an individual when part of the intestine pushes through the wall of the abdomen and appears as a bulge at the site. There are many sites where hernia can occur, although the commonly encountered type is that found in the groin. This type of hernia is known as femoral or inguinal hernia. Hernia may occur on the navel or near it. The hernia which occurs on the navel is called umbilical hernia, while that which occurs close to it is known as paraumbilical hernia. These two types of hernia are less common than the femoral type.   Groin hernia occurs more commonly in males, but can also occur in females in a few cases. In this kind of hernia, there is a weakness in the abdominal wall in the groin region about midway across the groin. It may appear on either side or, sometimes on both sides. A good sign is that swelling increases, initially it can be pushed back manually into the body. Later on, it gets bigger still and lies almost permanently outside the body, especi...
1 comment
Read more