Remember how you felt the last time you got in a big fight with your parents or one of your
brothers or sisters? That kind of anger and hurt can be what pushes someone to run away from home.These are problems faced by lots of kids and teens — and there are ways to deal with all of these problems besides running away. Kids who think about running away might not know how to solve tough problems or don't have adults to help them. Sometimes a really big problem can make it seem like running away is the only choice.
Unfortunately, the problems kids hope to escape by running away are replaced by other — sometimes even bigger — problems of life on the streets.
When you think about running away, you probably imagine that there will be no more rules, no parent to tell you what to do, no more fights. Sounds great and exciting, right?
In reality, running away is anything but fun. Kids and teens who run away face new problems like not having any money, food to eat, a safe place to sleep, or anyone to look out for them.
People with no home and no money become desperate, doing anything just to meet their basic needs. Because of this, they often find themselves in risky situations that would be frightening, even for adults. Runaway kids get involved in dangerous crimes much more often than kids who live at home.
Kids who live on the streets often have to
steal to meet basic needs. Many take drugs or alcohol to get through the day because they become so depressed and feel that no one cares about them. Some are forced to do things they wouldn't normally do to make money. The number of kids with HIV or AIDS and other diseases is higher on streets, too, because these kids might use IV drugs or have unprotected sex (often for money).
Also Many kids run away because of drug and alcohol abuse. When teens and pre-teens get involved in substance abuse, they may leave home to hide it so their parents don’t find out. These kids are often using a lot more than their parents know; they want to use more freely and openly, so they run away.
In addition to fear or anger, feelings of failure can also cause kids to leave home. Some children run away because it’s easier to live on their own than to live in a critical home. I remember being 15 years old and living in a hallway in the Bronx in winter. I didn’t miss home at all because I felt like such a failure there. Sadly, kids with behavior management problems or learning disabilities often get tired of the feeling that they just can’t get it right; it’s easier for them to run than to fix the problem. Often, they don’t know that what they’re facing can be dealt with using other strategies.
There are two types of running away :
Episodic Running Away
When your child runs away after something has happened, it can be viewed as episodic running away. It’s not a consistent pattern, and your child is not using it as a problem-solving strategy all the time. It’s also not something they use to gain power. Rather, they might be trying to avoid some consequence, humiliation or embarrassment. I’ve known kids to leave home because they were caught cheating in school or because they became pregnant and were afraid of their parents’ disapproval.
Chronic Running Away
Kids who consistently use running away to gain power in the family have a chronic problem. Realize that chronic running away is just another form of power struggle, manipulation, or acting out; it’s just very high risk acting out. They may threaten their parents by saying, “If you make me do that, I’ll run away.” They know parents worry; for many, it’s one of their greatest fears. Some parents may engage in bargaining and over-negotiating with their kids over this when they shouldn’t because they’re afraid. But you need to understand that kids who threaten to run away are using it for power. This not only gives them power over themselves, but power over their parents and their families as well. When a parent gives in to this threat, their child starts using it to train them. For example, a parent in this situation will learn to stop sending their child to their room if he or she threatens to run away each time it happens. I want to be clear here: kids who chronically threaten to run away are not running away to solve one problem. They’re running away because that is their main problem-solving skill. They’re trying to avoid any type of accountability.
There are running away preventions
Know your emotions. Try to understand what you are feeling inside and use words to describe it.
Express your emotions . Don't be afraid to tell those close to you how you're feeling and why. Use words, not actions. This is especially true for anger. Anger is one of the hardest emotions to manage because it's so strong — but everyone needs to learn how to express angry feelings without violence.
Know how to calm yourself down after you're upset. Maybe you need to run around outside, listen to music, draw, or write poetry. Do whatever safe things you need to do to feel better.
When you have a problem, try to come up with a list of solutions. Get someone else to help you if you can't think of at least three things to do. For each possible solution, ask yourself: "If I do this, what would happen next?"
Get some help from trusted adults — someone like a parent, close relative, teacher, or neighbor. Know who you can count on to support and help you.
Comments
Post a Comment