transition ; however, inwardly you're a mess.
Feeling the pain
Even though they’re unpleasant, we feel negative emotions for a reason:
They likely played an important role in human evolution and survival.
Negative emotions tell us to pay attention, signaling that something’s wrong – with our body, with our environment, with our relationships.
So if you avoid negative emotions, you also might be avoiding the thing that needs your attention.
Here are ways to cope with failure:
Examine the truth. This burns and isn't fun; yet, healing and recovery generally start when the truth is exposed. Lies keep you in the dark and however you try to spin your situation the bottom line is that the truth matters. Too often people attempt to dilute the situation with fancy words or a cute story, but this only delays the pain. And delaying the pain can cause more conflict.
Become transparent with yourself. Transparency is necessary. When mistake occur, there is emphasis on forgiving others, including yourself. However, you can't forgive yourself for that which you are not transparent with. And you can't fully forgive yourself as long as you minimize the error. This doesn't mean that you are overly critical of yourself, but it means being honest. Instead of telling yourself that your business is closing because one manager made poor decisions, be truthful and examine your role in this situation. Ask yourself: Did you look the other way when there was business conflict? Were you overly harsh in meetings so that it made communication difficult?
These same questions can be used when a relationship is torn. I'm not referring to any type of abusive relationship, rather, a relationship where conflict occurred and healing didn't take root.
Part of making sure that you don't find yourself in this type of situation again is being able to do an accurate assessment. As long as you hold back and rationalize, justify or minimize your shortcomings, a barrier to the truth still exists. And that barrier is you.
Give yourself permission to feel the pain. After a failure occurs, the immediate mode for many is moving onward because very few desire to be present with pain. This is why when pain exists people often use a substance to dilute the intensity of the hurt. Some people use work to avoid the pain. However, learning to be present with the pain is critical in healing. This is not a sign of weakness.
When you immediately cover the pain you don't know and remember what your emotional baseline is so when healing does begin to occur you can't recognize it. Failure hurts but healing is possible.
Sometimes after a romantic relationship ends the one who feels dumped quickly finds another person to date. Weeks later they are dating the same personality only with a different name. Why does this happen? Instead of being still with their pain and fully healing, they use another relationship as a distraction. Then they find out that this is a repeat experience of the previous broken relationship.
In many articles and books that address emotional pain, there is an emphasis on finding meaning and purpose in your pain. Finding a greater meaning can't occur if you aren't able to rest in the pain.
Commit to being open to the bigger lessons. This is when being willing to be a student of life is so important. When you think you are certain of everything and that life has nothing to teach you, then you will repeat your mistakes. Learning a new way to see situations can be the very key to your next success.
Learning is a humbling experience. You become aware of all that you didn't know. When you see the deficits in your knowledge base, use this as an opportunity to grow and change.
Not all mistakes are the same
It appears that focusing on the emotions of failure can trigger different thoughts and behaviors. Perhaps when you reflect on how bad you feel after failing, it motivates you to avoid experiencing that feeling again.
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